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Posts Tagged ‘אנשים רגישים מאוד’

עצות למתבגרים רגישים מאוד | חלק 4

מאת ד"ר איליין ארון, פסיכולוגית קלינית (Ph.D), מחברת הספר "אדם רגיש מאוד"

מתוך: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm

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What to do with intense…

Anger

Anger is an incredibly useful emotion, but one that HSPs often fear because when you express anger you often get anger back. For HSPs that can be very upsetting. In other words, we can dish it out but can't take it.

The trick with anger is to know you are feeling it, but not to express it exactly as you feel it. Instead, figure out how to use it to your advantage. For example, suppose someone cuts in front of you in line. You feel furious. What should you do? You might want to consider whether it seemed deliberate. If not, you should say something, but not in an angry way. If that gets no response, then you can consider turning up the anger, like the flame on a stove. But first you have to think about what will happen in the long run. Maybe this person is truly mean and spoiling for a fight. Is having to wait a little longer really worth a confrontation?

If you think others around you will think less of you for backing down, you might say something loudly to those around you that expresses your contempt for such behavior. "People who cut in line are total jerks." If the person turns on you, smile and say something to the effect that if the shoe fits, wear it. "You turned around when I said that, so I guess you must have thought it applied to you."

If the same person keeps bullying you, you will need help. Bullying at school has to be dealt with at a higher level. If you are being bullied in public, think about what you can do–travel with a group, speak to the police, or whatever will work. But don't keep taking it.

When you are angry with adults, think about whether they are trying to do what is best for you. If so, your anger is probably a way to defend yourself from feeling ashamed about having made a big mistake or being treated like a child. It's hard when you feel like an adult, and are treated like one most of the time, to be criticized suddenly as if you are incompetent. It's also hard to have your desires frustrated. If you are sure the adults are wrong, you should be able to get them to listen to your side of the story. Parents especially are often slow to let their children have their freedom, so reassure them, and prove by being trustworthy that they can give you more freedom.

If adults are being unfair, unreasonable, and won't listen, they generally have the power and fighting them will only bring you more trouble. So think of ways to avoid them, or at least their anger, until you can get away from them.

The point is, think strategically. Use your anger to your advantage, not to your disadvantage. Anger is the most moral emotion. When you express your reason for your anger in the right way (often without needing to express any actual anger), it simply tells others they have gone too far. If well done it should not cause a big flare up back. Your anger actually helps them know what you like and not do what you do not like. They are doing something to you that is wrong for you. Your anger keeps them from doing it again. "Good fences make good neighbors." Your anger is like one of those invisible fences that gives a dog a zap when it crosses it. After a few times, it stays in its yard.

What is the right way to express anger? In a way that does not make the person feel ashamed. When people are ashamed they become what we call defensive. They will blame you instead, or deny they did anything wrong, or say you do it too. If they think you are saying they have done something wrong, they may feel you are also saying they are a bad person. Then it is as if you have thrown a sticky shame ball at them. They don't want it, so they throw it back at you. "You started it, not me." "I didn't cut in line–you were so slow I went around you."

If you want your inner anger to have the outer effect you want, your job is to find a way to set the shame ball down. "I'm sorry–I think you didn't see that there's a line here. I've done the same thing at times." No one is to blame. You are saying this is a normal mistake, not a bad thing about the person. Or you can even be open to sharing the blame: "Maybe this doesn't bother everyone, but when you cut in line it really irritates me."

מודעות פרסומת

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עצות למתבגרים רגישים מאוד | חלק 3

מאת ד"ר איליין ארון, פסיכולוגית קלינית (Ph.D), , מחברת הספר "אדם רגיש מאוד"

מתוך: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm

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What to do with intense…

Sadness and depression

Figure out why you are sad or depressed if you do not know. Often, once you know the reason for a mood, you know what to do about it. To find out the reason, think about when you first begin to have the feeling. For example, did you start feeling sad when you found out you were going to be separated from someone or something you care for? Is the school year ending, are your parents going somewhere without you, or is a friend moving away?

Sadness is usually about a loss, and the loss is something we could not help, such as someone leaving when you both would rather have stayed together. Sadness about a separation is utterly natural and will pass with time. But to feel better sooner, try thinking about when you will meet again, or plan to see or talk to the person again soon. Sometimes knowing you could have contact, somehow, if you had to, helps reduce your missing the person. Also, consider how fortunate the two of you are that you care so much for each other.

Depression is different from sadness usually, although if you are sad long enough you can become depressed too. Depression usually comes with feeling defeated or powerless, which then makes us feel bad about ourselves and our future for a little while or for a long time. For example, you might become depressed if someone rejects you, you do poorly on a test or in a competition, a friend betrays you, family members fight, you feel accused of something you did not do, or something makes you doubt you can succeed in this world. There are a thousand reasons to be depressed. Sometimes we can handle one or two reasons, but the next one completely depresses us, and we do not realize how it all piled up.

Depression is a complicated feeling that almost all HSPs will have sometime. If it only lasts a few hours, or a day or two even, you can learn to handle it. If it lasts longer, you need help with it, because the brain can get stuck in a pattern. One "major" depression–one that lasts two weeks or so–makes you more likely to have another unless you treat it the first time. The best place to get help is from a psychiatrist. Your family doctor can help you find one.

Other ways to handle a mild depression, besides Wait and Share, is to get a good night's sleep, because depression is much worse when we are tired. This is why we say "things always look better in the morning." It's true. If you can't sleep, that means your depression is more serious and you need to share it. If you can't sleep night after night, then you need to speak to a doctor about it.

Often you can end a mild or brief depression by thinking through carefully whether things are as bad as they seem, especially whether you are really as bad as you think or that whatever happens will have any real long-term consequences. How important will this be in a year? It helps to get a "reality check" from someone you trust to be reasonably honest with you (not someone who always says you are wonderful and everything will be fine).

Depression usually has a reason, but it always involves chemical changes in the brain. Thus physical things such as sleep and rest often help to change that chemistry. Other helps are eating a few balanced meals if you do not usually (no junk food, fast food, or binging), exercise, and simply getting out of the house and going for a walk. The worst thing to do is to stay in bed in the daytime. Force yourself to get up. And don't drink–alcohol will almost always increase depression, as do most other drugs. A small amount of caffeine (a cup of real tea, for example) for someone who never uses it can sometimes help, however.

If your depression does not go away within a day or two, or makes you think seriously about ending your life, or seems to have no cause, then you MUST get help. Depressed people often have a hard time doing that. Sometimes a depression comes on so slowly you do not notice it. In that case it helps to compare how you are doing now to how you felt a few months ago. Sometimes when you can't see a cause you think you can't ask for help. But some depressions are due entirely to physical changes, and they are still depressions. Sometimes people hesitate to get help because it seems like a defeat or makes you look bad. But almost everyone becomes depressed sometime in life–people just do not talk about it. We're supposed to be cheerful all the time, especially young people. In fact, young people are less happy than older people. So you are not alone. And seeking help when you need it is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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עצות למתבגרים רגישים מאוד | חלק 2

מאת ד"ר איליין ארון, פסיכולוגית קלינית (Ph.D), , מחברת הספר "אדם רגיש מאוד"

מתוך: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm

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What to Do When Strong Feelings Feel Too Strong

As you start to enter the adult world, you will encounter many more things to react to, and much of it is new as well–driving, dating, handling your own money–so you react even more strongly. You will be thrilled by some things, almost to the point of being scared by your excitement. You will be sad or even horrified by others. You will love deeply and be easily disappointed by others. All of these emotions can lead to over stimulation, which eventually leads to feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and then burned out. So you will want to learn ways to bring your feelings down to a comfortable level.

I will go through a list of some emotions and suggest how you might handle them. First, however, there are two general rules:

Rule One is wait. Of course sometimes you need to act immediately on a feeling. But when there is nothing you have to do or nothing more you can do, then wait.

Waiting causes feelings to decrease. We just get used to things.

With time you may see new ways to deal with something, or perhaps stop seeing the need to do anything at all.

Rule Two is share. Tell someone about your feelings–someone who might help by giving you another perspective or by just listening. We are "social animals." We are designed to live with others and share our feelings with them. Let's say you are worried about an upcoming test. By sharing your feelings you may…

Feel better for having shared your worry and helped others by it. Hearing about your worry, your friends study.

Be calmed. Hearing you, someone may give you reasons to worry less. For example, someone tells you that the teacher said she will drop the worst exam score.

Find everybody's worried, so that you can at least share the burden of worry. Maybe you end up studying together and by combining your knowledge–and your worry–you all do better.

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עצות למתבגרים רגישים מאוד | חלק 1

מאת ד"ר איליין ארון, פסיכולוגית קלינית (Ph.D), מחברת הספר "אדם רגיש מאוד"

מתוך: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm

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All highly sensitive people, or HSPs, have stronger feelings than others. This is not a flaw at all. We think things through more, which is our great asset. But no one would do that if they did not feel something about the thing they were pondering, so to think more we need to feel more. Plus, the more you think about something, the more your feelings about it can increase.

Fortunately, we feel more good feelings as well as bad ones. We notice more subtle reasons to be happy, such as beauty or another's kindness. But we can also feel more worried, sad, or irritated than others.

I said HSPs feel more, but some can become expert quite early at covering up their strong feelings. Boys and men do this more because in our culture they are not supposed to show very much emotion. (I will use "emotion" and "feeling" interchangeably.) Or you may be growing up in a family in which certain feelings, or most feelings, are not allowed. Or your parents may have been doing all they could, all of your life, to reduce your strong feelings, and you have accommodated their wish as best as you could.

But emotions bottled up often become emotions we don't even know we are having, and then they come out in other ways. That is not a good method for dealing with emotions. Besides, feelings tell you how you are reacting to a situation and usually tell you what you should do in it. Anger means stand up for yourself or leave. Sadness serves to make you seek others, or make others come to you, in times of trouble. Fear is, of course, a warning. And so forth. You want to feel things and need to. But you do not want to, or need to, be overwhelmed by feelings beyond what is necessary for getting you to act. You also do not want others to think you have no self control.

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מתוך: ידיעות אחרונות, 7 ימים, גליון 25.02.2011

מאת: אספה פלד

להגדלה יש ללחוץ על התמונה:

הקהילה של אנשים רגישים מאוד – http://www.anashimregishim.com



ביאטה שבון יהב, תרפיסטית גוף-נפש, מתמחה באנשים רגישים מאוד, מנהלת הקהילה של אנשים רגישים מאוד בישראל https://tnuaitit.com

 

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המפגש של קהילת אנשים רגישים מאוד בתל אביב

יוקדש לנושא של זוגיות –

הקשיים בהם אנו נתקלים בזוגיות בתור אנשים רגישים מאוד: מציאת זוגיות ופיתוח יחסים יציבים ואינטימיים עם בני הזוג שלנו. כל מי שהנושא נוגע ללבו, מוזמן לבוא. ובמיוחד אלה בינינו שמחפשים זוגיות כרגע. זוהי הזדמנות להכיר אנשים חדשים.

מתי: יום שלישי, ה-21.12, בין השעות 20:00 – 22:00

איפה: סטודיו "נתיב" אשר ממוקם במרחק הליכה ממרכז עזריאלי.

מחיר: 50 ש"ח


המפה והכתובת המדוייקת ישלחו בהמשך לנרשמים.

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האם יש שוני בין

אדם רגיש מאוד (The Highly Sensitive Person)

לבין אדם בעל הפרעה בוויסות חושי?


בעקבות שאלות רבות בנושא זה אני מצרפת את תשובתה של ד"ר ארון. אשמח אם תגיבו. מקווה מאוד שהטקסט יתורגם בעתיד לעברית.



What is the Difference between Sensory Processing Sensitivity, the academic term for high sensitivity, and Sensory Processing or Sensory Integration Disorder   (actually, the first term has replaced the latter)?

Simply put, high sensitivity is not a disorder. It is found in about 15 to 20% of humans. Further, some trait like it, usually termed differently but with close to the same ratio, is found in almost every animal species studied. So it is a normal temperament variation that has evolved for a reason. It is one of two strategies that works for individuals. One is "look before you leap" or "do it once and do it right" (our strategy). The other is "the early bird gets the worm." Act fast and be first–the first to get the food or to be the food. In other words, neither way of behaving is really dysfunctional, and each is a sort of impairment in one type of situation and an advantage in another. Different strategies for different folks.

We HSPs know, however, that "normal" can be in the eyes of the beholder. HSPs and HSCs can seem strange and even dysfunctional to non-HSPs–always a problem when a non-HSP is making a diagnosis.

The term Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) was first applied to children, but now it is used to describe certain adults as well. It was discovered by occupational therapists working with children. They noticed that certain individuals have unusual difficulties due to being too sensitive or not sensitive enough in various sense modalities, or having poor balance and coordination. To help these children, occupational therapists use a variety of one-on-one treatments plus various equipment.

You can learn about SPD on many websites from different sources. If you go to an "official" site you will find the symptom checklists. You are going to see considerable overlap with what I would call normal sensitivity. This has led to some skepticism about SPD, some likening it to the "new ADHD," and you can find this on the web too. Still, also on the checklist are behaviors that are obvious red flags about a child's development, such as not rolling over by 7 months or not walking by 18 months and these would need more evaluation.

If I were seeking such an evaluation, one that might lead to a serious diagnosis and costly treatment, I would want it done by someone with years of experience observing both normal behavior and its normal temperament-related variations, as well as a vast experience in recognizing non-normal development of all types and evaluating both its possible innate and environmental contributors. I would not have a diagnosis made by someone working within one specialty, whether that be ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, or SPD. This is true for myself as well. I do not evaluate children overall because my natural bias and lack of broader experience could easily cause me to miss a problem in a child, thinking it was only due to normal sensitivity.

As for treatment, I have heard many parents rave about what occupational therapists have done for their child after he or she was diagnosed with SPD. Still, before sinking money into it, I would ask to see studies on its usefulness that were done by researchers not in any way associated with its treatment. These studies should have had a control group in which children received equal amounts of individual attention by a caring adult, but one who was not familiar with SPD and not using any special methods. There may well be such well-controlled research, but I have not reviewed the scientific literature on it so I cannot say.

There is a well funded SPD foundation, and part of its purpose is to educate the public and professionals about SPD. Part of that effort is to advocate with the American Psychiatric Association to make SPD a disorder in the next, fifth, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the official manual used for all medical diagnoses involving in any way mental health. This will mean medical insurance will cover its treatment, allowing a great expansion of this occupational therapy specialty and many more children to be treated. Those lobbying for this are almost certainly doing so in all good faith and in the best interest of children. But while it may be best for some children, we who deal with HSCs may find they are being given a DSM diagnosis simply because the diagnosis exists and includes some behaviors HSPs exhibit. It may be forgotten at times that these are normal and highly functional for those having this particular temperament variation. So it will be one more thing for parents of HSCs to deal with. Indeed, since the diagnosis has been expanded to adults, all of us may hear more about it.

מתוך:  http://www.hsperson.com/pages/2Feb09.htm

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ביאטה שבון יהב, תרפיסטית גוף-נפש, מתמחה באנשים רגישים מאוד, מנהלת הקהילה של אנשים רגישים מאוד בישראל https://tnuaitit.com

 

 

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